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When you love someone, it’s difficult to imagine they would betray you. But with infidelity on the rise, could you be missing the signs of a serial cheat?
Escort Micki Daniels, a self-confessed ‘cheating veteran’, knows all there is to know about husbands who stray. The majority of her clients are married, and she has seen first-hand the dastardly ways these men deceive their wives and girlfriends.
After a decade of illicit encounters, the 29-year-old temptress has now switched teams and wants to help the women who suspect their husbands of cheating.
Breaking the ‘escort’s code’, she has shared with me the little-known changes in a man’s behaviour that are tell-tale signs he is being unfaithful.
She firmly believes the majority of men cheat – a conclusion she has reached from professional and personal experience – and says most of these cheaters give away their behaviour without even realising it.
Perhaps you notice your partner been more irritable lately or has developed a negative attitude to your relationship? You might realise his routine has abruptly changed.
Maybe he’s been spending more time away from home, or something else has obviously amiss.
Often, though, the warning signs of infidelity are far more subtle – and this is where Ms Daniels’ keen eye comes into play.
The majority of escort Micki Daniels’ clients are married, and she has seen first-hand the dastardly ways these men deceive their wives and girlfriends
After a decade of illicit encounters, the 29-year-old temptress has now switched teams and wants to help women who suspect their husbands of cheating
Twenties: Shady phone habits
For Ms Daniels, this red flag is one she learned not on the job, but from the painful experience of being cheated on by her ex-boyfriend.
‘If he is possessive of his phone, avoids answering calls in front of you or gets mad when you ask to use it, he’s hiding something,’ she explains.
‘When my ex was cheating on me, he became secretive when his phone rang in front of me,’ she adds. ‘He would say, «Oh, I’m not answering that call», without any explanation. But he would happily answer calls from his friends or from work.’
If your partner is having an affair, his online habits may change, too. With social media making infidelity more accessible, temptation is just a click – or swipe – away.
Infidelity danger zones
Infidelity can happen at any age but there are ‘peak’ times for betrayal in a relationship, explains Sydney-based sex and relationship counsellor Susie Tuckwell.
Shockingly, many men see their wife’s pregnancy or early post-partum period as a prime opportunity to stray. Illness or infirmity can also lead to betrayal.
‘One peak cheating period is around the time a couple has a birth and the early days of baby,’ Ms Tuckwell said.
‘Also during a long-term illness or disability – which can happen at any age’.
Try to sneak a look at his Instagram feed while he is scrolling on the sofa next to you, or see if you can steal a glimpse of his Instagram search history – which is where he looks up accounts that he is deliberately not following.
‘If they’re following provocative accounts, engaging with suggestive posts or following accounts of girls don’t know, they might be hiding something more serious,’ warns Ms Daniels.
If you notice he has started using new passwords on his phone or computer, or has added a new layer of security to his devices, that’s another sign he has something to hide.
Perhaps the most glaring red flag is a man setting up a hidden account – sometimes known as a ‘Finsta’ or fake Instagram – which are often used for affairs or accessing sex workers.
Thirties: He starts picking fights with you over nothing
By the time they reach their thirties, a man is usually living under the same roof as his long-term partner, so opportunities for infidelity aren’t as easy to come by as they were when he was a twentysomething with more freedom.
So if your partner is spending time with someone else, chances are he will start getting creative with ways to escape the house for uninterrupted time away.
Ms Daniels has seen the same strategy used time and time again with her clients: they start arguments so they can have an excuse to leave.
‘Cheaters pull away or instigate petty fights so they can have a «time out»,’ Ms Daniels says. During this «cooling off» time away from their wives or girlfriends, they like to squeeze in a rendezvous.
‘I’ve seen it happen: They pick fights as an excuse not to talk to you or to leave the house for some «space» when in reality they are spending time with their lover.’
The real reason they wanted ‘space’ becomes abundantly clear when they get home with zero interest in talking over whatever ‘issue’ had supposedly upset them. They may have forgotten there was ever an argument at all.
‘If they come back and try to sweep things under the rug, you should reconsider what they were really up to,’ says Ms Daniels.
Forties: Constant showering – and not just for the reason you think
It used to be you could hardly get him in the shower. Now all of a sudden he’s rinsing the moment he’s home from work.
If this sounds familiar, you may have a cheater on your hands, advises Ms Daniels.
‘If he is jumping in the shower as soon as he walks in the door, he could be trying to rinse off the smell of another woman,’ she explains.
While washing to remove the scent of a lover seems obvious, there’s another shower habit for wives to look out for: when he races off to the bathroom after sex with you.
‘One clear sign of a cheater is when there is zero aftercare or cuddling after sex. Instead he’s bolting to the shower to wash you off him. That’s a major red flag!
‘Post-sex affection is linked to deepening connection between partners so if he’s prioritising a shower in lieu of aftercare perhaps he’s just having sex out of obligation.’
While showering to remove the scent of an office romance seems like an obvious move, there’s another habit for wives to look out for: when he races off to the bathroom after sex with you
Fifties: He suddenly starts caring about his appearance
By the time a man reaches his fifties and has been married to the same person for a good while, he is usually fairly secure in his appearance.
If, all of a sudden, your husband becomes hyper-focused on changing his appearance, he may be trying to impress a new lover.
Signs to look out for include:
- Growing a beard after having always been clean-shaven.
- Dyeing his hair. This can make a man look ten years younger, which he may wish to do if he’s courting a younger woman.
- Showing an interest in manscaping when they never have before. Younger women have different ideas of how men should be presented ‘down there’, so he may be adapting to someone’s preferences
‘When he starts making changes to his appearance, this to me indicates something suspicious is going on,’ Ms Daniels explains.
‘When a cheater is on the prowl, they will up the ante by improving their physical presentation. They suddenly have a strong desire to look younger and you may find they get self-conscious by specks of greys when previously they didn’t care.
Fifties continued… their libido changes drastically
When a man starts to diversify his skills in the bedroom, it may at first be a welcome development for his wife.
But Ms Daniels warns it could be a sign things are heating up for him elsewhere.
‘If he’s sleeping with someone new, don’t be surprised if he suggests sex positions he’s never showed interest in before,’ she says.
‘He may say he wants to incorporate porn or even toys to the bedroom, when these activities were never previously on the table.’
Susie Tuckwell, a Sydney-based sex and relationship counsellor, agrees.
‘When a partner wants to try new sexual activities, or they are suddenly very sexual for no apparent reason but not lovingly or intimately so, this can be a sign of infidelity,’ says Ms Tuckwell.
A change in a man’s libido spurred by infidelity may look like:
- He may want to have more sex at home to cover up his actions and offset guilt
- He may initiate sex so you will not ask for it later on, when he is not available
- Alternatively, frequency of sex may drop off because he is getting it elsewhere
- He wants to try new sexual positions (which he has learned from another woman)
- He wishes to incorporate sex toys or introduce porn to sex
Sixties: Careless with spending
An obvious sign of infidelity can be unexplained charges on a man’s credit card or bank statement.
If your partner has charges for hotels, restaurants or other activities that they would not normally participate in, it could be a sign they are cheating.
This is true at any age, but older men do have a habit of being a little more reckless with their transactions. Younger men tend to be more cautious and don’t leave the same paper trial behind them.
‘All my clients are married and they all put through transactions as «bills» so their wives don’t question them,’ says Ms Daniels.
How to avoid marrying a cheater
‘Tough love’ dating coach Jake Maddock believes he has cracked the code when it comes to finding and building a ‘perfect’ relationship after struggling for years to get it right. Here he shares his tips for dodging a bad bloke:
- Find a man who stands by his convictions. If he has basic integrity, he is more likely to have a decent moral compass in a relationship and not cheat
- A man can really be measured by who he hangs out with. If he spends time with low-value individuals who cheat, don’t go out with him
- Avoid a whinger. Cheaters justify their bad choice by claiming nobody can ever really fulfil them and that’s why they are emotionally distant
Jake Maddock
