They say honesty is the best policy, but we’ve all dabbled in a cheeky little white lie.
For example, I once told a country guy I could ride horses because I was two martinis deep and trying to impress him. Who doesn’t want to give off a bit of Beth Dutton energy when you’re trying to seal the deal?
When he surprised me with a romantic weekend in the Snowy Mountains to go horse riding with his friends, I knew karma had clocked in for her shift. The second they plonked me on a beast called Cinnamon, I was doomed.
I clutched those reins like a bull rider, my thighs clinging on for dear life as I bounced so violently in the saddle I thought I might need a pelvic reconstruction.
By the time we went ‘off track’ I was holding back tears, he was holding back laughter, and the horse… well… she was possessed by Satan. Mortifying.
But that’s cute compared to some of the stories I’ve been sent lately…
For this week’s Sealed Section, I asked my followers to confess the one thing they’ve kept hidden from their spouse. Not just little white lies like pretending to love their mum’s lasagna (or horse riding skills), I’m talking real secrets. The kind that, if exposed, could blow up an entire marriage.
And I’m chuffed to say the answers were explosive. Affairs. Secret kids. Hidden bank accounts. It turns out a lot of us are walking around with skeletons rattling in our closets.
DailyMail+ columnist Jana Hocking asked her followers to confess the secrets they kept from their spouses. Their answers included affairs, secret children and hidden bank accounts
To begin… my wealthy friend’s secret fortune:
‘I lied to my husband about how much money I had. He was made redundant and genuinely thought we’d have to sell the house.
‘So I took him to dinner, poured him a wine and confessed I had another 12 months of mortgage payments tucked away in an offshore account.
‘He was furious and relieved all at once. I just didn’t want him to know I’d been quietly saving for a rainy day… or maybe a rainy divorce.’
You’ve got to respect a woman who keeps an emergency fund tucked up her sleeve… in the Bahamas.
A young bride’s scandalous past
‘I’ve kept my former dating life very vague with my husband. I used to be a bit of a player at university. He’s heard glimpses of it from my loose-lipped friends, but has no idea of the stacked roster I used to juggle before we met.
‘I’m talking multiple men in one night and more one-night stands than I can count. I actually wrote a list that I stashed away somewhere and misplaced. Some days I worry it’ll turn up in a spring clean and I’ll have some explaining to do…
‘My husband certainly didn’t lack experience when we met, but I know he’d be shocked if he found out what I used to get up to.
‘We live in a small village, so I’m surprised word hasn’t got out yet, honestly.’
I wanted his friend at first
‘My husband will go to his grave never knowing that when we first got together, I actually had eyes for his very handsome best friend.
‘Back in the day, he was the guy every girl lusted after. Tall, sexy, confident, rich – a man straight out of the pages of a romance novel.
‘My husband is all those things too, obviously. But I just didn’t see that at the time because I was so captivated by his friend.
‘Anyway, this guy I was after wasn’t interested in me, so I started flirting with his mate and, after one thing led to another, we became a couple and fell in love.
‘I wouldn’t swap them for the world now, but every so often I do think about what could have been. I would never act on it, but he is my go-to fantasy when I settle in for some solo time…’
‘I’ve kept my former dating life very vague with my husband. I used to be a bit of a player at university,’ confesses one middle-class wife (stock image posed by models)
The crossover romance
‘There was a pretty significant crossover between the man I’m now married to and my last serious boyfriend.
‘In fact, I was still sleeping with my ex during the early months of dating my now-husband – right up until we moved in together actually.
‘Even though I knew I was onto a good thing, I just couldn’t let go. I feel awful, but there were nights I’d tell him I was going out for drinks with the girls and I would actually be sleeping with my ex.
‘The guilt became too much and I called it off with my ex. He would never commit and my new relationship was getting more serious.
‘I’ve played the doting girlfriend and wife ever since. He never suspected a thing and even invited my ex to our engagement party.’
Then there’s this delightfully twisted tattoo secret…
‘My husband is convinced the tattoo of a burlesque girl on my shoulder is because I love Dita von Teese. In reality it’s a cover-up… of my first husband’s name.
‘They can’t stand each other; they’re like two stray cats when they see each other.
‘Long story short, I had a bit of overlap between the two of them and ever since it’s been WWIII if they’re ever in the same room.
‘My husband hates my ex because of all the ways he’s tried to punish us since we split. If he found out what was really under that ink, he would drag me straight to the laser removalist and have the whole thing removed.
‘So for now it’s a burlesque girl and that’s all it ever was.‘
It wouldn’t be a confessional without a cheating story…
‘I once told my husband I was away for a work conference. In reality, I flew interstate to hook up with a guy I’d met in a Facebook group. We’d been chatting for months, shared fantasies, and booked a hotel halfway between our cities.
‘We spent the weekend drinking and getting up to a lot of kinky s*** we had talked about online, and then blocked each other the moment I got on the plane home.
‘Clean getaway.’
‘I was still sleeping with my ex during the early months of dating my now-husband – right up until we moved in together actually’ (stock image posed by models)
That’s tame compared to this one from a husband with a secret…
‘I have another child my wife has no idea about.
‘I had a secret girlfriend I got pregnant a few weeks after my wife. We actually agreed to meet so I could tell her I was becoming a dad and was ending our fling. Before I could say a word, she told me she was pregnant too.
‘It wasn’t a passionate love affair by any means, but she was always up for it so I would duck into hers on my way home from work occasionally.
‘Now it has cost me dearly. I financially support the other child anonymously. My wife has no idea, but I fear one day we’ll do something like remortgage the house and the broker will pick up on my secret monthly payments.
‘Both my children – they’re boys – are now four and have the same cheeky smile. It kills me that they don’t know each other. I’m not sure how long I can keep it quiet.’
Yikes.
Jail. All of you.
But here’s a word of warning. If this has you side-eyeing your spouse, maybe don’t go digging. Because once you start sniffing around, you’d better be ready for what you find.
And sometimes, as someone who’s definitely gone through a phone or two while their boyfriend was in the bathroom, ignorance really is bliss.
God, being single has never felt so peaceful.
