Dear Jane,
My boyfriend and I were having a discussion the other night about our biggest celebrity crushes – and the name he revealed has left me totally grossed out.
For some background, I’m 23 and my boyfriend is 26. I’d argue that I’m a little bit more ‘mature’ than him so our three-year age difference has never really been a problem because we’re very much on the same page in terms of our lifestyles and our hobbies.
We’ve been dating for six months so it’s not the most long-term relationship in the world, but I really do feel like it’s the real deal here. Or I did, at least.
So the other night we’re having a few drinks and sharing stupid stories from our past relationships and the subject of celebrity crushes came up. We were watching a Channing Tatum movie and I said I’d always found him really attractive, and that then led to us both chatting about the famous people we think are particularly hot.
Dear Jane, my boyfriend revealed his weird celebrity crush – and it’s completely turned me off him. How do I explain why I’m so grossed out?
He’s not really that into celebrity culture so said he’d never really thought about it that much – but then said he’d always had a huge crush on Ariel. As in… The Little Mermaid. The cartoon.
I don’t know what it is but that whole idea has really creeped me out. First of all, Ariel is a mermaid, which is just weird. Secondly, she’s a naive, meek, man-obsessed character who basically gives up her entire life for a guy. And thirdly, there’s just something really weird to me about a grown man being attracted to a character from a children’s movie.
Maybe it’s me and I’m making too big a deal out of this, but it’s left me feeling kind of… ick about the whole thing.
I haven’t said anything to him because I don’t even know how I’d really raise it, but now I’m wondering whether the feelings I’m experiencing are a sign that it’s just not meant to be?
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column
From,
Celebrity Crushed
Dear Celebrity Crushed,
I hate to tell you this, but I think, as you yourself have thought, this might indeed be you, and you are putting far more energy into it than it deserves.
There is a whole generation of men who describe Jessica Rabbit as their perfect woman, and in fact, as odd as it may seem to some, the very fact that a character is a fictitious example for some of perfect femininity, is exactly what draws them – it’s safe.
It’s also far more normal than you think.
The fact that Ariel may be naïve, meek and man-obsessed is doubtless something your boyfriend hasn’t even thought about.
I imagine he’s crushing on her long red locks, curvy figure and – to his mind at least – come-hither eyes.
Japan – naturally, for who else but Japan would do this – has created an enormous industry based on cartoon characters, including anime, and its pornographic sister, Hentai.
There is a huge market for cartoon figures, and there is – for many – nothing ‘ick’ about it.
I’m not sure it’s even worth a conversation with your boyfriend, unless of course you are using this as an excuse to rethink a relationship that may have other issues you aren’t sure about.
I would let it go, but not before deciding whether there may be something else about your boyfriend, or your relationship, that this discomfort is masking.
Dear Jane,
In December 2023, I moved from my home of 25 years to move in with my aging parents so I could help my sister care for them.
The understanding was that the situation was temporary and that I would eventually find a place of my own.
Fast forward to now, and we’ve realized that my father may not make it through this year. He’s told me that my mother will need someone to live with her when he’s gone so I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m going to have to stay here to keep caring for her.
The thing is, my sister now brags about going out every night with her many friends and how much fun she’s having, while I do nothing apart from care for our parents and work in my part-time job. I have no friends here and feel like she’s left me with the lion’s share of the work when it was supposed to be shared between us.
I’ve also recently learned that, despite my living here, my parents have left this home to my sister, even though she already has a place of her own.
I realize my sister cared for them for fifteen years prior to my moving here, but she also chose to move here knowing and accepting she would have to care for them. This wasn’t my choice, my parents literally demanded I move here to help.
I’m 55, soon to be 56. I feel like I’m drowning. This shouldn’t be my life and I don’t know how to approach my parents to discuss this with them.
From,
Furious in Florida
Dear Furious in Florida,
How my heart is hurting for you. I understand exactly what you are going through, and how unfair it is.
There always seems to be one sibling who ends up doing the lion’s share of caregiving with an elderly or infirm parent, leaving the other one gallivanting off living their life without a care in the world.
I wonder what would happen if you were to continue caregiving for your parents, but part-time.
If you can afford to move out, I would do so, working with your sister on a schedule so the two of you can divide your time. It will be much easier to say no if you are not permanently on-hand to pick up her share of the work.
Most people will get away with as much as they are allowed to get away with.
Your sister is not magically going to start showing up again, unless and until you start to set the boundaries. This means, ideally, moving out, but even if you stay in the house, bring your sister into making a schedule.
And, if this fails, are you able to look at local resources to help? While we are all duty-bound to look after our elders as they age, full-time caregiving is not part of the deal.
Bringing in a temporary caregiver to help out will help give you your life back. Your parents may have given you life, but it is not appropriate, nor normal, to expect you to give up yours for them.
I know how painful this is, and I send you love and strength.
