Dear Jane,
I’m facing a very awkward situation and I would really appreciate some advice.
My wedding is coming up in a few weeks and my fiancé and I are scraping together all of the finishing touches to make sure the day is perfect.
Family is very important to me and I want my relatives to play an important role in the occasion.
My sister – who is also my best friend – will be the maid of honor, and her two young daughters will be flower girls.
Here is where the situation gets a little bit sticky.
She also has a 12-year-old son, whom I adore, and I’ve asked him to be the ring bearer.
We fitted him in a suit that matches with what my fiancé and his groomsmen will be wearing, and they all look great together.
But last week, my sister asked if we could have a serious conversation about outfits.
Dear Jane, my nephew is insisting on wearing something wildly inappropriate to my wedding
She told me that my nephew would like to wear a dress to the wedding.
I was left completely shocked and speechless. He has always been a sweet and sensitive boy, but I never imagined that he wanted to dress more feminine.
As a child, he sometimes tried on girl’s clothes. But I assumed that was just a phase.
Even though it sounds completely selfish and horrible, I don’t want him to wear a dress because it will not look good alongside everyone else’s attire.
For the record, I love my nephew and will accept him no matter what.
But the wedding photographs will be bizarre if he is the only boy in a dress while all the other men are matching.
And, what if he comes to regret this?
What if this is something that he’ll grow out of in a few years and the memories will be set in stone forever?
Finally, my fiancé’s family are quite old-fashioned and I really can’t be bothered with explaining to my uptight future mother-in-law that my nephew wants to wear a dress.
She will simply never understand.
This is obviously a sensitive topic, and I want to address it with caution.
I believe that it is my sister’s responsibility to tell her son that this is not an appropriate time to experiment like this.
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Jane, please, who do I do?
Please help me,
Bamboozled Bridezilla
Dear Bamboozled Bridezilla,
Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding – what an exciting event!
I understand that it is difficult for you to accept that your nephew currently wants to wear dresses.
This must be particularly hard to swallow for your special day, when you had a clear vision of what you wanted.
However, how your nephew chooses to dress has no bearing on what people will think of you, nor your wedding.
And whilst you say a dress will not look good alongside everyone else, I presume you are organizing beautiful dresses for your flower girls. I see no reason why you don’t have your nephew wear a matching dress, if that is how he will feel most comfortable.
I know this is a long-awaited occasion for you, and that you want everything to be perfect. But I also sense the love you have for your nephew and want to remind you that 12 is a particularly sensitive age.
Your nephew is learning who he is and approaching puberty, and I fear you may do unintended harm to him by forbidding him to wear a dress.
That said, most of these issues can be solved by an honest conversation that comes from a place of love. Rather than discussing this with your sister, why not discuss it with your nephew?
Feel him out to see how committed he is, and if it is clear to you that he is happiest in a dress, let him wear one that matches your vision for the wedding. Be open to all options, including perhaps a compromise, such as a more feminized suit for him to wear.
As for the explanation to uptight in-laws, no explanation is needed. Whatever you and he decide will work best for the both of you is the only explanation.
Let them gossip amongst themselves should they so desire.
