Dear Jane,
My husband and I got married earlier this year are spending Christmas with his parents for the first time.
My husband’s two brothers and their respective wives and children joined the celebrations too – so if anything, I was excited.
Perhaps I should have been more wary.
But first, a disclaimer: My husband’s mother is nothing but nice to me. And she has welcomed me into the family with open arms.
That’s why I was so shocked.
Earlier this week, we were all sitting with a glass of champagne before dinner when my mother-in-law suggested we do a round of ‘early gifts’, a little family tradition she explained.
‘I really want you to have this ahead of Christmas,’ she said when it got to my turn, handing me a small, perfectly wrapped box tied with a bow – and winked.
DEAR JANE: My new mother-in-law just gave me a kinky Christmas gift
I thanked her and, of course, opened the gift up in front of everyone (including my young nieces and nephews). To my horror, it contained a bright-red lace bra and matching thong. Not only a thong – a G-string, with a little gold heart charm hanging over the crotch.
The entire room went silent and I’m pretty sure my cheeks were burning scarlet. My mother-in-law laughed – really loudly – and said she thought the ridiculous under-garments would ‘suit me’.
As soon as I had a private moment, I asked my husband why his mom made a fool out of me, but he brushed it off and said she must have genuinely thought I would like the gift.
I can’t imagine why any mother would buy their daughter-in-law lingerie. Maybe she has the wrong impression of me.
Or was she trying to humiliate me on purpose?
From,
Provocative Present
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Dear Provocative Present,
I have no idea why your mother-in-law bought you a red lace G-string and bra.
I’ve always thought that only husbands and lovers get to buy women sexy lingerie, although there are some crazy things that happen at bachelorette parties.
Either way, I have the ick from just reading this letter, so can only imagine how uncomfortable you must have felt.
The thing is, none of us could even begin to guess why she thought that would be a fun, appropriate, or funny Christmas gift.
So, you need to ask her. You felt that she’s made a fool out of you but, remember, you don’t know if that was her intention.
Given how well you get on and how you’ve been welcomed, it might be better to assume she didn’t plan to humiliate you at all.
In fact, she might be horrified that you would think such a thing. But you will never solve the mystery until you talk to her.
Tell her that, while you’re grateful to have been included, you felt humiliated by red lacy lingerie.
Tell her that you love how you have been welcomed into her family and that you suspect you might have the wrong end of the stick – that it would be out of character for her to deliberately make a fool of you. Yet you felt like a fool and her rather personal comments have left you questioning what she meant.
Then sit back and listen.
Try not to react until you hear all that she has to say.
If you need to ask more questions for clarity, ask more questions. Only after you’ve understood what she was thinking can you make a decision about how to move forward.
But you can certainly tell her – and indeed you should tell her – that you’re not comfortable with anyone other than your partner buying you sexy lingerie.
