A psychologist has revealed three warning signs that might mean your friend isn’t genuine – along with one major red flag that always gets ignored.
Dr Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist with a private practice in Hampshire, took to TikTok to help those who may be questioning their friendships.
The expert often speaks on mental health online, including videos on how to build self-confidence, why we procrastinate, signs that suggest you might have anxiety.
In a recent clip, Dr Julie, as she’s known, highlighted the red flags that indicate your pals may not have your back.
She said that when something good happens in your life, a faux friend may act differently towards you.
‘You suddenly realise that this isn’t friendship, this is a competition. But this is a competition that you didn’t know you were in,’ she said.
If your pal never apologises for what they’ve done, they also may not have your best interests at heart.
The expert said watch out if they won’t say sorry for their actions or take responsibility when they hurt your feelings.
Spot those signs! Clinical psychologist Dr Julie said that when something good happens in your life, a faux friend might act differently towards you
Dr Julie then moved on to speak about the third and final warning sign that your friendship is a sham.
She said feeling as though you have to walk on eggshells or find that you’re censoring yourself around them to fit in is another tell-tale indication that your friendship is not built on solid foundations.
‘The last one often gets ignored. Do you ever pick up on it? These are just some of the subtle, uncomfortable ways that people who don’t really have our best interests at heart can reveal themselves.
‘But it’s not just friendship that is so crucial to a healthy and happy life, it’s good quality friendship.’
She added: ‘If a friendship is taking away from your life, rather than adding to it, you have a decision to make. But never be too ruthless in your decisions. This is your life and relationships are complex.’
Dr Julie said she discusses more about this topic in chapter two of her book, ‘Open When…’.
The video racked up more than 243,000 views and hundreds of comments from people who expressed their opinions on the clip.
One wrote: ‘I recently ended a 37 year friendship because of 2 out of the 3.’
She said feeling as though you have to walk on eggshells or find that you’re censoring yourself around a pal to fit in is another telltale sign things aren’t authentic
Another penned: ‘Sums up my situation. I am glad I learned so much about this type of situation.’
A third said: ‘This is why I ended an 18 year friendship back in April 2022 and never looked back since. It was so one sided and I had enough.’
A fourth commented: ‘Such an important reminder about valuing true friendships!’
Dr Julie also made a video about hidden ways that an abusive partner may be manipulating you into staying with them.
The expert started by saying that abusers will often try to draw your attention away from your friends and family to isolate you.
‘They remove any outside perspectives so theirs is the only narrative you get to hear, she said.
The medical professional added that they switch moods easily, often going from affectionate to aggressive.
This can lead to victims feeling confused about whether the relationship they’re in is normal, healthy and good.
The next warning sign is if your partner makes you feel insecure and as though you cannot achieve anything without them.
‘They chip away at your confidence and your own intelligence and your capacity to do things so you start to question whether you can even function without them,’ the expert explained.
Another red flag of a manipulative relationship is if they limit access to your money and monitor your spending.
‘It makes it feel almost impossible to leave,’ Dr Smith added.
The fifth sign of a controlling abuser is if they threaten to harm themselves or you. Dr Smith added that this can be a powerful way to trap victims and prevent them from leaving.
If you need to speak to somebody, you can call the Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247 for free at any time.
