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With the venue, photographers and fireworks all booked, all that’s missing is a ring, Lucie Coates tells us. ‘I don’t have the heart to reply,‘ Oh, I’m actually not engaged’
«Congratulations on your engagement,” chimed the tour guides as they welcomed Lucie Coates and her partner Elliott Burgess to a luxurious countryside wedding venue. Surrounded by lush greenery, with Georgian grandeur and history on every corner, Lucie and Elliott both pictured themselves saying “I do” in front of their friends and family within an instant. It was perfect.
In fact, the only thing missing had nothing to do with the venue – with Lucie and Elliott not yet being engaged, it was the ring. “We’d discussed getting married prior to visiting the venue, but I feel like it was never an actual conversation,” Lucie, 32, tells us. “We’d both been in serious relationships before and when we got together we both knew the other one was our person. We used to say things like, ‘I can’t wait to marry you’, but we never actually spoke about getting married properly.
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“Then one day I saw this wedding venue near my parents’ house where I really wanted to get married and I was just like, ‘Can we go and look?’. My mum always says that in the two years we’ve been together, we’ve gone through what most couples go through in 10 years. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love Elliott, so I’ve got no doubt booking our wedding before even getting engaged is a good idea.”
When they met four years ago at a work party, Elliott lived in London while Lucie lived in Bournemouth. With more than 100 miles between them, and as they were both in relationships at the time, another year passed before they re-entered each other’s lives, when Lucie moved to London for work and sat next to Elliott on her first day in the office.
“I feel like we had a couple of first dates because after Lucie moved to London we were friends before we were in a relationship. We’re massive lovers of karaoke, so it was one of the things we used to do. Every Wednesday, we’d go out for drinks with some guys from work and we’d always end up in a karaoke bar. We used to do that together quite a lot. It was our thing,” explains Elliott, 33.
Their relationship went from strength to strength and they were both certain they’d found “their person” in each other, so it was natural for Lucie and Elliott to think about taking the next step. But while other couples might have celebrated their romance with a proposal, the pair skipped the step entirely and headed to their dream wedding venue earlier this year – a stately home nestled in thousands of acres of parkland – where it was love at first sight, albeit of a different kind.
Locked and loaded
“I was more than happy to go along,” says Elliott. “I didn’t question it because I knew we were going to get married at some point, so it wasn’t a massive shock. I knew we weren’t going there for a day out, a bit of coffee and some cake – we were there because Lucie wanted to book it.
“If Lucie wanted to persuade me to get married, taking me to this place was definitely the way to do it. I’ve always wanted to marry her, but going to this enchanting venue, seeing what it was like and having a tour guide take us through what each part of the wedding would be like in each room had us sold.”
Despite not yet getting engaged, the pair have locked in a date, paid their deposit and booked their big day for spring 2027. “I am desperate to send out save-the dates and I’ve texted all my best friends the date because they are so busy,” Lucie laughs.
“But I think it’s bad luck to send out a save-the-date when you’re not engaged. Also, I think that would make me look absolutely crazy. So they’re all designed and ready to go, but they haven’t been sent.
“The only thing holding me back right now about getting a dress is how much trends change over the years. A classic wedding venue will always be classic, but fashion trends change a lot, so I’m holding out on that front.”
Away from wedding planning, Lucie and Elliott work in events, meaning they have more knowledge about the ins and outs of planning a special occasion than most, including the staggering costs that can come with organising a wedding. But they say having put a plan into action already has allowed them to avoid some of the jaw-dropping costs involved.
“Right now, I feel chilled because the suppliers I’m reaching out to haven’t opened their 2027 diaries yet, so they can fit me in,” Lucie says. “Some are even giving me 2025 and 2026 rates because they’ve not decided their 2027 rates yet, so it’s saving money. I could definitely be a bridezilla, but because everything is going very smoothly, I would actually advise other brides to do the same.”
Some of the conversations do come with an element of awkwardness, though. “I’ve booked a photographer, a videographer, a pianist, a make-up artist, and a firework display,” Lucie says. “I’ve reached out to florists, caterers and bars. In all of their emails, and when we walked into the venue, everybody says, ‘Congratulations on your engagement,’ and I don’t have the heart to reply,‘ Oh, I’m actually not engaged,’ so I just say thank you.
“It’s something I do find really embarrassing. During the whole venue tour, I was trying to hide my left hand in my pocket because I was like, ‘I really don’t want her to ask to see the ring that doesn’t exist.’”
Supportive friends
Since discussing the topic on her It’s A Girl Thing podcast, Lucie has been inundated with responses. While some people think she’s “nuts”, the majority have been supportive of the move and some have even admitted to doing the same.
“My friends aren’t surprised, but they’ve asked me what’s going on. This is taking it far even for me,” Lucie says. But my mum, dad and brother didn’t bat an eyelid. They were like, ‘Oh yes, love, just what we expected.’ I’ve had some colleagues message me on Microsoft Teams saying, ‘Don’t worry babe, I booked my wedding before I got engaged too.’
“Every wedding is different and every relationship is different. If I were in a rocky relationship and doing things behind my boyfriend’s back, it would look crazy. But I am in such a solid relationship, it isn’t as bad as it sounds. Also, sometimes you’ve just got to be organised.”
Elliott assures us he is taking the time to plan the perfect engagement and find the perfect ring, though he’s remaining tight-lipped about the specifics. “I know exactly how I’m going to do it and when I’m going to do it,” he says.“ There’s no pressure from my perspective.”
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