Last week I went on an epic date. Or so I thought, until I was rushed into an Uber home, alone, straight after dinner.
You see, I had finally nabbed a dinner with a guy that is the definition of va va voom.
He had big broad shoulders, piercing blue eyes, a bushy but neat beard and a laugh that lit up a room.
He was the kind of guy you look up to. With an amazing job that commands respect and an eye for detail that showed in the way he dressed and held himself together.
So of course I was nervous. Now this sounds super cringe, but I had some pre-pared talking points that I thought he would be interested in and was prepared to blow him away.
But thanks to my non-stop chit chatting, he barely got a word in. Oh, and I was so consumed with wooing him, I forgot to ask him questions.
Last week I went on an epic date. Or so I thought, until I was rushed into an Uber home, alone, straight after dinner
That’s two strikes.
The final strike came when I asked if he would like to go to another bar after we finished dinner and he said he ‘needed an early night’.
I was home by 9. It was the quickest date of my life.
As I glumly took off the sexy lingerie set I was preparing to wow him with I wondered where I went wrong. Realistically, I can pinpoint exactly what turned him off. I was far too keen, I talked way too much, didn’t ask any questions and barely let him get a word in. Oh god.
That’s when I realised seduction is a fine art.
Some people are naturally born with the gift, like Harry Styles with his cheeky grin and shy confidence, Marilyn Monroe with her bedroom eyes and sweet naivety, George Clooney with his deep voice and natural charisma.
And then there are those who are not. And those people, I’m sorry to say, really stand out like a sore thumb. Myself included.
They are such small things, but they’re stopping us from getting laid and we must put a stop to them. So, prepare to cringe (and hopefully self-reflect) as I name and shame the ‘fatal five’.
Being too tight with cash
Last night a guy offered to buy us a drink. He came back with two glasses of the cheaper prosecco, as opposed to champagne for $5 more. Now I’m going to get into trouble for saying this but… ick.
If you’re wanting to make a good first impression, spend a few more dollars. Yes, times are tough but looking slightly tight in the pocket is not going to get us jumping in the sack with you.
You see, I had finally nabbed a dinner with a guy that is the definition of va va voom
The same could be said for guys who buy girls Gerbras as opposed to roses. And don’t even get me started on discount dockets used on dates. If you’re a little skint but still want to go on a date, why not throw together a picnic and get into the great outdoors.
There are ways to seduce someone without looking tight. Get creative people!
Being far too agreeable
Is there anything more annoying than having a conversation with someone who simply agrees with everything you say.
They’re like needy golden retrievers. They say things like ‘yes totally’ and ‘you’re so right.’
Have an opinion!
No one wants to sleep with a doormat.
We want to sleep with someone who challenges our ideas and has the confidence to share their own thoughts and beliefs. Now that’s hot.
Vocalising your insecurities
I have definitely been guilty of this one. I used to go out on dates and point out all my flaws in a bid to show my date I was already aware of them. For some reason I thought it was cute to laugh at myself, but all it did was highlight stuff that put me in a negative light.
So, ease back on joking about your baldness, or short stature or pointing out how rubbish you are at budgeting, dancing, keeping a schedule (the list goes on). Treat every interaction as if it was a job interview – only putting your best foot forward. And as the saying goes, fake it till you make it.
Confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Acting super thirsty
Those who clearly just want to sleep with you. Eww. I had a guy come up to me recently when I was out with friends, and he reeked of thirst. He made the epic mistake of grabbing my bare shoulder in this really intimate way and patting my back as he said hello. I instantly got into defence mode. I had never met the dude and yet he felt like he could enter my personal space. Absolutely not.
I have definitely been guilty of this one. I used to go out on dates and point out all my flaws in a bid to show my date I was already aware of them
One rule when attempting to seduce someone. Keep your mitts to yourself until you’re given the A-OK to get a little closer.
Not only did this guy not stand a chance with me, but he also got labelled a creep. Sure, when we’re attracted to people, we tend to get sex on the brain but keep it cool. People aren’t objects for you to paw all over.
When you talk too much
For example, me!
Yes, those of us who don’t take a breath between sentences. We’re too busy giving you the hard sell on how fabulous we are, that we forget to listen or ask questions.
Cringe!
As I’ve mentioned, I can sometimes get over-excited on a date and just want to impress the object of my affection. I look back on those seduction attempts now and realise I was giving off desperate vibes and also made me look a little self-centred.
Ooft personal growth doesn’t always feel good.
So, with a few simple tweaks we can get rid of those icky anti-seduction traits we probably didn’t even realise we were doing and have better success at getting laid.
Hurrah!
READ MORE: Here’s why ‘good’ men cheat, writes Jana Hocking
