Imagine my surprise when the world learned the identity of the alleged baby mama of Elon Musk‘s 13th child.
I knew her!
Earlier this month, right-wing nutter Ashley St Clair, 26, claimed that she had birthed the self-appointed planet re-populator’s latest offspring.
The pair allegedly started seeing each other in May 2023 after exchanging some saucy social media posts (one can only imagine the DMs of the world’s richest man) and consummated their fling around January 2024, according to court documents filed in St Clair’s paternity suit against the Tesla-tinkerer.
‘Hmmm…’ I thought when I recognized St Clair’s name, ‘Sounds familiar.’
Then, it clicked. She’s the unhinged social media intermeddler who lamely tried to slut shame me!
The roots of my beef with the Patron Saint of Peculiar Pregnancy started this January.
I was minding my own business, penning a perfectly appropriate column full of unsolicited advice for newly minted White House correspondent Natalie Winters, 23, who was garnering a lot of attention for sashaying around the Briefing Room dressed like a desperate sorority pledge.
Earlier this month, right-wing nutter Ashley St Clair (pictured), 26, claimed that she had given birth to the self-appointed planet re-populator’s latest offspring.
The pair allegedly started seeing each other in May 2023 after exchanging some saucy social media posts and consummated their fling around January 2024, according to court documents filed in St Clair’s paternity suit against the Tesla-tinkerer. (Pictured: The court documents).
In an article tastefully headlined ‘You’re not a hostess at Hooters, you work at the White House!’ I gently encouraged Ms Winters to throw on a blazer to cover her curvaceous assets, if she wanted to be taken seriously.
Then, the next thing I knew Ms St Clair, apparently a bestie of Natalie, was throwing shade at me on Twitter.
Well, my tightly corseted cutie-pie… I was built for this.
In an apparent attempt to roast me, St. Clair tweeted a picture of the cover of my blockbuster, best-selling, world-shattering (very nearly Pulitzer-prize winning) 2013 memoir, The Kennedy Chronicles: The Golden Age of MTV Through Rose-Colored Glasses. The book’s jacket shows me stark naked and riding on the back of a pack animal.
St. Clair wrote: ‘This is literally Kennedy’s own book cover. JUSTICE FOR @nataliewinters!’
Ashley, hunny, if you thought that you had exposed me as a hypocrite for critiquing Natalie’s naughty-newswoman look while flaunting my own utterly flawless figure, then you’ve missed the mark.
Let’s get a few things straight.
First, that picture was snapped by world-renowned Rolling Stone photographer Mark Seliger in 1994, when I was 22 years old and at the height of my MTV video-jockey fame.
It’s hardly the airbrushed Instagram snap so popular among the St Clair crowd.
Second, yes, my butt is real.
Third, as a music journalist, who regularly hung with the likes of Nine Inch Nails and Anthrax, I was playing by a different set of rules than Natalie Winters, who has the privilege of reporting on the most powerful elected office in the history of the world.
So, am I a phony? Nope.
Are you a dummy? Yes!
Finally, (and pay close attention here) at the time of my photoshoot, I was a virgin.
In an apparent attempt to roast me, St. Clair tweeted a picture of the cover of my blockbuster, best-selling, world-shattering (very nearly Pulitzer-prize winning) 2013 memoir, The Kennedy Chronicles: The Golden Age of MTV Through Rose-Colored Glasses.
In my 20s, I refused to take birth control and was determined not to bring a child into the world out-of-wedlock, or at least until I was certain I could care for them – on my own! (I now have two beautiful children with my ex-husband with whom I share a lovely friendship as we co-parent like bosses.)
You, Ashley, are a 26-year-old with two children from two different men, neither of whom you have married. And, to date, the identity of one of your partners is unclear.
Not very ‘conservative’ if you ask me.
If anyone is a hypocrite, it’s you.
For my part, while at MTV, I was an out-of-the-closet Republican working in the most liberal industry imaginable. It doesn’t take much courage to preach to the choir on Twitter or at Turning Point USA conferences. But it takes a spine of steel to unapologetically advertise your conservative values while challenging Rage Against the Machine on-air about their misguided, commie beliefs. (I have since disavowed all party affiliations and consider myself a philosophical libertarian.)
But enough about me.
Let’s talk about you, Ashley.
Frankly, as a self-made person, I am disgusted seeing women compromise themselves by sinking to toxic depths for a little scratch.
Ashley made her intention to open a one-woman baby factory very clear, to my mind, in text messages she allegedly sent to a former friend in 2023 before she and Elon hooked up.
‘I need his rocket babies,’ she reportedly wrote. ‘Look ill [sic] take one for the team, seduce elon, and get in a rocket to see whats [sic] up.’
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not letting Elon off the hook here. He is so bizarrely earnest about his seed-spreading that he could be sponsored by John Deere. And if this child is indeed his – which he has neither confirmed nor denied – then he has a responsibility to provide emotional and financial support.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not letting Elon off the hook here. He is so bizarrely earnest about his seed-spreading that he could be sponsored by John Deere.
Ashley made her intention to open a one-woman baby factory very clear, to my mind, in text messages she allegedly sent to a former friend in 2023 before she and Elon hooked up. (Pictured: Alleged texts between St Clair and Musk included in court documents).
But let’s also not ignore the recklessness of a woman who so flippantly described her potential future offspring as a ‘rocket baby’ and then took steps to bring that life into the world.
Now, in the ultimate act of narcissism, Ashley is asking for ‘privacy.’
‘I intend to allow our child to grow in a normal and safe environment. For that reason, I ask that the media honor our child’s privacy, and refrain from invasive reporting,’ she posted on Twitter.
Shades of Harry and Meghan, no? ‘We are moving to America to live in privacy! Now watch our tell-all Netflix series and read this gossip-filled memoir. Oh, and eat my disgusting jelly.’
It’s all enough to make a gal want to move to Mars.
Here’s my advice for Elon: Avoid unprotected extracurriculars, you have a deep state to dismantle.
As for Ashley: Raise your kids honorably and in peace. And try abstinence!
It’s way sexier than advertised, trust me.
