An exasperated man has sparked fierce debate after revealing he has removed his 18-year-old son from his will – because he only just found out he was not the biological father.
The unnamed man, from the US, took to Reddit‘s notorious Am I The A**hole thread to candidly share details of the family feud.
He explained that he had been raising a son for 18 years but was recently told by his mother-in-law that his wife had been having an affair with her high school boyfriend during conception.
The man said he was now divorcing his unfaithful spouse and would be cutting off the son he had helped to raise for nearly two decades – but readers were left bitterly divided in the comments.
The unnamed man, from the US, took to Reddit’s notorious Am I The A**hole thread to candidly share details of the family feud
The post, which was shared earlier this week, was titled: ‘Am I The A**hole for removing my wife’s child out of my will because I discovered he is not mine?’
It read: ‘I’ve been married for 15 years with my wife and our son is 18 years old. I think I was a good father to him, always present, always supporting him, I was the first he talked to when he had a bullying problem, a math problem, when he needed romantic advice.
‘He is straight but likes crossdressing and doing makeup, and I was the first one to support him on that too, while his mom was trying to make him more «masculine.»
‘However, recently I discovered that he is not actually my child.’
The man continued: ‘My mother-in-law said he had to tell me something important, so I went to meet her and told me that my child is actually my wife’s high school boyfriend baby.
‘She gave birth at 20 but apparently she was cheating on me with her old boyfriend.
‘My mother-in-law said my wife told her the truth after he was born because she had suspected that the baby didn’t exactly look like me and mother-in-law confronted her about it, but the baby was already born and nothing could be done.
‘I was mad and asked her why is she telling me this right not? She told me it’s because she saw my son hanging out with his biodad at a park and believes that he is back in their lives.’
He explained that he had been raising a son for 18 years but was recently told by his mother-in-law that his wife had been having an affair with her high school boyfriend during conception (stock image)
He explained: ‘I decided not to shoot the messenger and went out to confront my wife and son about this, after a long argument they told the truth. The biodad was back and wanted to meet his real son.
‘A lot of s**t happened and I’m divorcing, and also cutting my wife’s son out of my will, because, I never had a real son and all this time I was putting all my energy and effort raising another man’s child. I’m also consulting if is possible to sue the biodad for all the money I’ve spent raising his bio son thought out the years.
‘My wife is obviously mad at me, but my (step?) son is just devastated, I can see him depressed, not talking to me, and constantly apologizing. My plan was to divorce and cut contact with them right after that, but now I’m wondering if I’m going too far by punishing him too.’
Elaborating further in two additional edits, following an initial wave of comments, the man wrote: ‘The kid knew about his biodad for about four months before I discovered it.
‘And yes, we did a DNA test, he insisted a lot of it and after it came back negative is when I think his depression really hit. Y’all right, maybe it is useless to sue the biodad, but I’ll ask a lawyer anyway.
‘Many people are comparing my situation to being a step dad or an adoption. There is a difference, I thought for over 18 years that he was my real son.
‘I 100% believe that adoptive parents are real parents and their adopted children are their real children, but they willingly went into the adoption process, they know their family is not blood family. I was tricked into my situation.
‘If I had known my wife after the baby was born I wouldn’t have cared because I knew it was somebody else’s son, but I thought this was my real son and just now I find out that he isn’t. Anyway, I need to talk to him when he feels like it.’
Unsurprisingly, the post was soon flooded with comments from readers who weighed in on both sides of the debate.
On the one hand, there were those who argued that the husband was not necessarily in the wrong
On the one hand, there were those who argued that the husband was not necessarily in the wrong.
One person wrote: ‘Hope you sue them all for paternity fraud, parental alienation, and get an annulment from the marriage cause I’m guessing you married [because] of the then-baby.
‘And usually I’ll say to cut some slack to the kid, but he knew for months, if he had an inkling of love and/or respect for you, he’d have told you himself.’
Another said: ‘NTA to divorce her. She sucks, but treating your son like he hasn’t been your son for the last 18 years? What the f***?
‘He didn’t choose you anymore than you chose him. He clearly loves you and sees you as his father. Imagine yourself in his shoes.’
Someone else commented: ‘Your son just found out his entire life is a lie, and the man he thought was his father no longer loves him. Can you honestly say you don’t love him anymore?
‘After all the diapers, sick days, sports games, school assemblies, chilling watching TV, girl trouble, and every other little thing you did and showed up for over the last 18 years.
‘Was literally the only reason you loved him was because you thought you shared blood? You should have a conversation with him.
‘Probably more than one and figure out what your relationship can be moving forward if you can have one at all.
‘You’re NTA for your feelings, but you need to be careful about your actions as they can very easily make you one.’
But, on the other hand, many accused him of going too far with his reaction
But, on the other hand, many accused him of going too far with his reaction.
One person wrote: ‘Why punish the boy? He didn’t choose to be an affair baby. Sounds like for the most part, he saw you as dad, and you saw him as son.
‘Your wife is unredeemable trash. Divorce her and tell everyone why – show the DNA test results.
‘She’s should suffer, not ‘your’ son. Hate your wife, but YTA for punishing an innocent child.’
Another commented: ‘You are the a**hole for cutting ties with the person you loved, and raised as your son for 18 years. It is not his fault that his mom cheated.
‘It’s not his fault the bio dad is asking to come into his life. He is still a kid, at 18, while you are a grown adult.
‘He is probably also going through a lot of confusing emotions after finding this out, and now to be abandoned by the dad that raised him – that’s a worse betrayal than him not telling you immediately when he found out.
‘Likely his mom pressured him to keep it a secret, and he didn’t know what to do/was scared how you’d react, and apparently for good reason if you’re willing to drop him as your son just like it’s nothing.
‘YTA for punishing the innocent kid you raised as your son for 18 years,’ a third shared.
‘I don’t blame you for being upset, or for divorcing your wife for lying to you, but that kid, who is your kid in every way but biology, did nothing to deserve your wrath.’
