No one wakes up thinking, ‘Today feels like a good day to become a cheating bastard.’ And yet… here we are.
One minute you’re in a perfectly fine relationship, reheating last night’s pasta and arguing about whose turn it is to take the bins out. The next, you’re booking hotel rooms under fake names and experiencing the kind of adrenaline rush normally reserved for MI6 spies and diamond smugglers with suspiciously full underpants.
This week, I threw out the question to my Instagram followers: How long has your affair been going on – and how the hell have you managed to get away with it? And my inbox quickly turned into a confessional booth.
It turns out a shocking number of you are juggling burner phones, secret Instagram accounts and alibis so airtight I now trust no one.
In the spirit of full transparency, I’ll admit it: I’ve been on the wrong side of an affair.
I was young, naïve and hadn’t yet grasped the potential impact of my actions.
But once the fallout hit, trust me, it didn’t feel sexy. It felt bloody awful. I learned my lesson the hard way.
But… affairs aren’t always black and white. The older I get, the more I realise they can happen for a thousand different reasons.
A woman tells DailyMail+ columnist Jana Hocking she discovered her husband was cheating on her with sex workers using a burner phone
We’ve covered that before, though. This week, I wanted to know how hell the hell everyone is getting away with it.
Here are some of the juiciest confessions that slid into my DMs…
‘I found the burner phone… and decided to let it happen’
This one knocked the wind out of me. Not because of the scandal, but because of the honesty.
‘I was looking for an old winter coat in the back of my husband’s wardrobe when I found a briefcase he hadn’t used in years. Inside it was a burner phone like, an actual, cliché, supermarket Samsung.
‘At first, I thought it was a work thing. He’s in finance and always paranoid about cybersecurity, so I figured maybe? But then I turned it on, and there it was. Texts, photos, hotel bookings.
‘He’d been seeing sex workers. I was shocked, but surprisingly not devastated. Just… weirdly calm. I’ve barely had a sex drive for the past few years because of kids, work and hormones, and part of me felt guilty about it.
‘So when I saw that every message was transactional, no «I miss you» or «when can I see you again?», I just closed the phone, put it back and never said a word.
‘I’ve been having an affair with my married boss for two years. It started when I was 21…’ (stock image posed by models)
‘I know people would say I’m weak, that I’m being walked all over. But honestly, It’s the first time in years my husband has seemed relaxed. He’s less snappy and nicer to the kids. I believe he loves me and that he won’t leave me. I think he just needed something I haven’t been able to give him. And for now, I’m strangely okay with that.’
Oooft, I mean it’s a little heartbreaking. But maybe more common than we think?
‘I never meant to become that girl but here we are’
A warning sign for those who fall for ‘the rizz’ (charisma)…
‘It started at a friend’s birthday. He was really funny, and I was probably laughing too hard, but I was instantly drawn to him. We ended up chatting outside for hours, and the vibe was electric.
‘A few weeks later, we bumped into each other again at the pub, and he walked me to my car. That’s when he kissed me. He told me things weren’t great at home, said he felt invisible (yes, I know we’ve all heard that line before).
‘But he also said he hadn’t felt this alive in years, and I fell for it hook, line and sinker. The next time we saw each other, his wife was out of town, and we ended up at his house… in their bed.
‘I know it’s bad, but it was kind of a turn-on. That was eight months ago and now it’s a regular thing. He texts when she’s at Pilates or has taken the kids to their nan’s. I swing by, we hook up in that bed, and then I leave before she gets home.
‘I used to feel a bit gross about it, but now it just feels normal. He says he feels more alive than ever but I don’t know what I feel anymore. It’s just a bit of a thrill, to be honest.’
Personally, I think that thrill eventually gets replaced with feelings – and that never ends well…
‘I’ve been seeing the same guy for eight months. We meet every Friday at 11am at a serviced apartment I book under a fake name’ (stock image posed by models)
‘The condom in the overnight bag nearly ruined everything…’
This one felt like straight-up espionage:
‘I’ve been having an affair with my married boss for two years, which started when I was 21 and working part-time. I thought it’d fizzle out quickly but the more we snuck around, the more I craved it.
‘We’ve had hotel rendezvous under the guise of «work trips» but we’ve also come close to be caught more than once. On one occasion, his wife smelled my perfume in his car and he had to tell her he’d given his aunt a lift somewhere.
‘On another occasion, he left a condom wrapper in his overnight bag. She found it and he told her the boys from work planted it there as a joke.
‘Somehow we’re still going. I hate myself for it, but the thrill is addictive and the sex is insanely good.
‘I feel like I have this strange power. Sometimes I wonder if he’ll leave her. I’ve never asked because I’m too scared to hear the answer.’
Spoiler: he won’t.
‘Every Friday at 11am, like clockwork’
This one clearly comes from a Type-A person who likes to keep a schedule.
‘I’ve been seeing the same guy for eight months. We meet every Friday at 11am at a serviced apartment I book under a fake name.
‘I tell my husband it’s a weekly client meeting; I even put it in my Google Calendar that he has access to and he’s never once questioned it.
‘But really, I park two streets away, wear gym clothes over lingerie, and go absolutely feral for 45 minutes. It started as a one-off, a little excitement, but now it’s a ritual.
‘We don’t text much during the week, just a simple «see you Friday?» and that’s it. I feel bad sometimes, but I also know I’m a better wife and mum on those days. Like I’ve let off steam. It sounds awful, I know, but I’m not ready to stop.’
‘He told me his marriage was open. Now I’m not so sure’
Ah yes, the classic ‘Don’t worry, she knows’ line. Sigh, they never do…
‘We met at a conference and I was attracted to him straight away. He was very charismatic, and there was something so hot about the way he commanded everyone’s attention.
‘I love a challenge and I knew I had to make him mine. We slept together that night and I fully expected it to be a one-time thing. But it’s been six months now and I’m addicted.
‘He travels for work and I see him maybe once or twice a month. He says his wife knows, that they have an open marriage but they just don’t «make a big deal of it».
‘I’ve asked a couple of times, and he insists everything’s above board. But he never calls me on weekends and never stays the night.
‘Part of me wants to believe him but the other part thinks I’m probably the idiot in this scenario. I can’t seem to pull away though.’
It’s giving BS with a side of delusion. I hate to say it, but our intuition is rarely wrong.
‘To everyone else, I’m his cousin’
If this wasn’t so outrageous, I’d think it was made up.
‘I’ve been hooking up with my married neighbour for about a year. It started with flirty chats over the fence, then a wine night when our partners were both out of town… and now it’s a full-blown thing.
‘We meet in his garage, or sometimes when his wife is at yoga. We’ve never been caught but the boldest moment was when he took me to his after-work drinks and introduced me as his cousin.
‘I met his co-workers and sat with his boss. He gave me a fake backstory and everything. I played along and I don’t know whether it was a turn-on or pathetic but it was nice to live in fantasy land for a while. It was probably both.’
Yeah, that’s not going to end well. Is no one scared of popping up in the background of someone’s Instagram Story?
So, what have we learned, dear reader?
That cheating isn’t just about shagging someone who isn’t your partner. Oh, no. It’s about feeling something. Feeling desired. Chosen. It’s about sneaking off to hotel rooms under fake names and doing wildly inappropriate things on a school night, because your real life has become so beige and predictable.
I mean, who among us hasn’t fantasised about blowing up their life for a bit of excitement with someone who actually notices your new knickers?
Esther Perel says, ‘Affairs are about escape. And escape is always intoxicating.’ And you know what? She’s right. Affairs are messy and morally questionable. And, according to my inbox, everywhere.
So would I recommend one? Absolutely not. But am I secretly a bit obsessed with reading your filthy, chaotic, heart-thumping stories? Oh, absolutely, yes.
