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It took some time for Mavi Veratta Millora to realise that her marriage was not a fairytale. In the end, it turned out to be quite the opposite – her husband, she says, was unemployed and unfaithful, and the effort to keep her home running left her exhausted.
“I had to kick him out of our lives because it had become unhealthy and toxic for our children,” Millora tells The Independent from Manila, Philippines. Her four children, having grown up in a conflicted household, encouraged her to leave the marriage. Her eldest was 16 or 17 years old at the time, she recalls.
After years of emotional turmoil, she decided to separate from her husband. It has been almost 12 years since. Her children have grown up. She has regained her strength and is doing much better in life. But the man legally remains her husband and can still stake claim to the family property.
“You cannot freely move on with your life, especially when it comes to the properties and all that you have worked for, for your children,” she says.
Today, Millora is fighting for the right to divorce in the Philippines, the only country in the world besides the Vatican where divorce is illegal.
In May this year, the lower house of the Philippines parliament passed the Absolute Divorce Bill, legislation that could finally give those in unhealthy and unhappy marriages the right to apply for a divorce. The bill passed the House of Representatives and is awaiting Senate approval. It aims to set out a number of legal grounds for divorce, including abuse, infidelity, and abandonment.
As both an activist and a woman who stands to gain from the new law, the bill’s progress through parliament is a big victory for Millora, although she still expects a bumpy road ahead. She is not just fighting for a legal right but against a predominantly Catholic culture where divorce still carries huge stigma and the Church holds significant influence.
According to the 2020 census by the Philippine Statistics Authority, approximately 1.6 million Filipinos were recorded as annulled, separated, or divorced. In addition to divorce obtained abroad, Filipino Muslims are allowed limited divorces under Islamic law.
But support for divorce is growing, even as the Catholic Church and conservative lawmakers strongly oppose the bill. A survey conducted by the Social Weather Stations research institution in March found that 50 per cent of Filipino adults support the legalisation of divorce, while 31 per cent oppose it.
More women besides Millora are finding the confidence to make news of their separation from their spouses public – unthinkable even a few years ago. Those who oppose divorce see it as “anathema to Filipino culture” and fear it will legalise promiscuity, break up families and be detrimental to children, according to a 2007 paper by legal expert Charmian K Gloria.
AJ Alfafara set out as an advocate for divorce legalisation after realising the adverse impact the illegality of it was having on women. She believes the lack of an option to divorce is fundamentally “unfair”.
She tells The Independent: “The inability to legally dissolve a marriage in the Philippines leaves many trapped in abusive and unfulfilling relationships, which can have detrimental effects on mental health and financial stability.”
She believes that “legalising divorce would provide a means for individuals to escape harmful situations and gain a fresh start, improving their wellbeing and fairness in the distribution of marital assets and responsibilities”.
Ms Alfafara says that people might make mistakes in choosing their partners but “it’s important to legally recognise those who have suffered in unhappy marriages”.
“You can’t just brush it off. The emotional scars are deep, and it affects your whole being,” Clarissa Avendano, an activist who tried and failed to end her marriage through the Philippines’ existing system, tells The Independent. “It is not easy to move on.”
When the country’s president Ferdinand Marcos Jr took office in 2022, he showed openness to legalising divorce, acknowledging that while some cases might warrant it, the process should not be overly simplistic.
Even though Filipinos can pursue legal separation, which permits spouses to live apart and voids shared property rights, it does not formally dissolve the marriage. The Family Code of the Philippines also has a strict set of conditions in which a separation is permitted, including abandonment, repeated acts of domestic violence and being sentenced to more than six years in prison.
They can also apply for annulment – a costly process that demands solid proof that the marriage was invalid to begin with, or if one partner is incapable of consummating the marriage – or a declaration that they were never legally married in the first place, such as if one or both partners was under the age of 18.
The Catholic Church argues there is no need for divorce in the country because these provisions are sufficient.
Ms Avendano, 52, says pursuing annulment takes years and is a draining process.
Her late husband used to physically assault her and had a drinking problem, she says, as she tears up. She tolerated his behaviour for years but one day he hit her 15-year-old child. For her, that was the turning point.
“He is not only harming me, he is harming my child,” she thought to herself.
Shattered after years of abusive partnership, Ms Avendano left the marriage. After paying a lawyer 250,000 Philippine pesos (approximately £3,360), nothing happened. Three years later, she gave up the hope of annulment. Even though the rich can perhaps afford these costs, the poorest among the country’s 116 million population are left more vulnerable.
Ms Avendano, who suffered in a bad marriage for years, is now committed to supporting others in similar situations.
“Technically and practically, people who got legally separated and annulment – they still need to have this divorce, simply because for the legally separated they cannot be [re]married, and for annulment, you did not recognise that there was a marriage,” Millora says of the annulment process.
“We want to acknowledge that we got married and once upon a time, we were so in love, and we were looking for our forever and happily ever after, but we didn’t know that we wouldn’t have a fairytale.” For some of us, “it is happily never after”, Ms Millora says.
Now the secretary general of Divorce Pilipinas Coalition, an advocacy group, she emphasises: “Divorce is not about making it easy to remarry but about giving people a chance to correct past mistakes and achieve legal recognition for their children.”
There remains strong opposition to the proposed legislation. The bill narrowly passed the lower house on its third reading, with 126 votes in favour, 109 against, and 20 abstentions.
Its principal author, Edcel Lagman, remains hopeful about its prospects in the Senate.
“I am optimistic that before the end of the sitting parliament in 2025, we will join the community of nations in legalising divorce,” Lagman said.
High-profile senators, meanwhile, have instead advocated for expanding costly annulment procedures. A large coalition of anti-divorce groups argues that divorce would harm families, while some campaigners suggest making legal separation more affordable for cases of abuse.
In June, over 40 organisations united to create the Super Coalition Against Divorce, aiming “to work together to prevent anti-family and anti-life laws from being passed in Congress”, according to a Facebook post by the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines.
“Divorce breaks up families on a colossal scale,” said Tim Laws, a campaigner for the Alliance for the Family Foundation Philippines, Inc.
Even though support for legalisation is growing, there is caution. Women speak in hushed tones if there are problems in a marriage. “Many are worried about what their neighbours will say,” Millora says. Women, even survivors of domestic abuse, are scared to come out in public for fear of being expelled from the church or being penalised for supporting divorce.
Miljoy Malicdem, another advocate working with Divorce Pilipinas Coalition, says: “I want to encourage those like me to come out and be strong.”
At the heart of this sisterhood is the resolve of these women to help others achieve freedom. She says they understand how women suffer in patriarchal systems and are willing to take one step at a time to dismantle it. Having known the pain of a bad marriage, they are forming networks of empathy among those who are struggling down the same path.
