Dear Jana,
Sometimes if my boss and I have had a hard day at work we go for a sauna together. Nothing kinky, just chatting while we sit totally naked sweating. I actually get quite aroused and I can see that he does too… but we are just nonchalant. Is it weird?
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
First of all, may I commend you on your use of the word ‘nonchalant’. What a fabulously pompous word. Here’s to using it more in everyday sentences.
That aside, let’s be honest. You want to shag your boss. Ah, it’s a tale as old as time. But as someone who has shagged their boss in the past, trust me when I say DON’T DO IT! And stop putting yourself in a very sexy situation with him. You know exactly what you’re doing girlfriend.
Because it is going to happen. Honestly, it’s a matter of time. Stress from a hard day of work + sweat + nakedness + a moment of weakness = bonking.
But what I took away from my own experience is that it just makes for an all-round awkward experience long-term. If the shag is good you will want to do it again and will spend your work hours lusting after him. If it’s bad, you will try avoiding him like the plague which can be very tricky in a work environment.
I’ll give you props for finding a unique way to bond after a tough day but would it look good in a HR meeting? No. No it would not! I can also guarantee your work mates are gossiping about it. I would be.
As for whether it’s weird or not, let’s just say it’s definitely… unconventional office therapy. Just remember, there’s nothing wrong with a beer/wine at the pub, or a good ol’ fashion game of squash to let off some steam.
Anything involving getting your kit off in front of your boss isn’t a great idea. But you already knew that didn’t you, you cheeky devil.
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Dear Jana,
I’ve been sleeping with my sister-in-law on and off for the last 20 years. When I’m in town for work I stay at their place, and we make it happen. The risk is worth it as the sex is so good, but am I playing with fire? It would destroy the family.
Anonymous
Oh Anonymous,
If I had a dollar for every time someone tried to excuse their dodgy behaviour with ‘but the sex is so good’ I would be a millionaire right now. Girlfriends telling me why they hooked up with the loser ex, or a married man, or a player.
Pffft… do people not realise you can have amazing sex with people who are emotionally and morally available? There is not just one ridiculously-good-at-sex fish in the sea!
Obviously, you are playing with fire. That’s a no-brainer. The real question is, do you secretly want to get caught so it’s all out in the open? Perhaps you have deeper feelings for your saucy sister-in-law and you are subconsciously putting yourself in a position to get caught. Or here’s a thought, perhaps she is?
Don’t get me wrong, I get the thrill of doing something naughty, especially with a forbidden romance (it’s like an R-rated Romeo and Juliet), but you’re dancing dangerously close to family drama infernos.
Have you always been competitive with your brother? Is it a payback thing? Rather than persisting with a cheap shag, maybe dig a little deeper and try and get to the reason why you’re hooking up with your sister-in-law.
Maybe it’s time to consider some less combustible hobbies? Like getting a girlfriend and enjoying some nude-time in the great outdoors? Or a cheeky fondle in a movie theatre?
At the end of the day, you’re being a dick and so is she.
Explore your horizons outside your brother’s marriage and that way we won’t end up seeing you in the news when your brother finds out. Because this will NOT end well if you keep it up.
Jana Hocking’s advice for Sarah: ‘Anything involving getting your kit off in front of your boss isn’t a great idea. But you already knew that didn’t you, you cheeky devil’
Dear Jana,
I keep finding inappropriate messages my husband shares with other women who he meets up with for a ‘cuppa’. We have a great sex life, and I don’t understand why he feels the need to flirt with these women. It will ruin me financially if I leave him. I’m also in my 50s and don’t want to join the dating pool again. It sounds horrible. HELP!
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I can tell you exactly why your husband is sharing inappropriate messages with other women. It’s because he has a metaphorical ‘small penis’ and is desperate for constant validation.
I would hazard to guess these ‘innocent cuppas’ started happening around the time his hair started receding, or going a little grey, or his balls started dropping into ‘saggy’ territory. Ahh yes, he’s feeling insecure and wants to know other women outside of his marriage still find him attractive. It’s all very superficial and ridiculous, but I see it all the time.
One look in my Instagram DM’s will show you many men with ‘happy marriage’ photos in their profile trying to get my attention. It’s pathetic.
Now I’m sorry but I’m also going to give you a tap on the wrist as well. Because if there’s one thing Judge Judy has taught all of us women, it is to keep your own personal finances in order.
In a viral TikTok she clearly states: ‘Once a woman gives up financial independence to a mate, it’s over. And you have to be prepared. Because if you’re not prepared, you’re stuck.’ Which I see is your very predicament now.
A close relative of mine kept a small private bank account when she started noticing a couple of red flags in her marriage. So, when it was time to abort ship she had enough in the bank to get out quickly. And that she did.
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My advice to you would be to get up tomorrow morning, hop in your car, drive to the bank and open up your own account. Slowly put some of your own hard-earned money in there and whether you eventually need it or not, at least you will have peace of mind knowing you’ve got a plan-B up your sleeve.
As for dating in your 50s. Who said you have to? Julia Morris has been telling anyone and everyone how happy she is being single in her 50s. Supermodel Linda Evangelista has also tapped out saying: ‘Not interested. I don’t want to sleep with anybody any more. I don’t want to hear somebody breathing.’
Just because one relationship ended doesn’t mean you have to jump straight back into a new one. Imagine if you took some time to figure out what you want instead. You’ve got your whole life to partner up again.
But who knows, perhaps you just need to have a mighty firm conversation with your ratbag husband and set some firm boundaries on these ‘cuppas.’
Stand up for yourself girlfriend and remind him where his bread is buttered. Maybe throw him a bottle of Rogaine while you’re at it.
