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I’ll be honest: I’ve slept with enough commitment-phobic men to know that a 10 out of 10 sexual performance does not guarantee a lasting relationship.
Case in point, I once went on a wonderful weekend away in the Blue Mountains with a man who ravished me on a king-sized bed, took me to art galleries, confessed his deepest secrets, hopes and dreams, and even let me win at naked Jenga…
…and then he ghosted me a week later. Yeah. That sucked.
So no, the purpose of this article isn’t to convince you that one night of toe-curling passion will magically transform your emotionally unavailable situationship into a dreamy Hallmark movie protagonist.
But there are little sexual tricks that can tip the scales in your favour.
Every so often, something happens between the sheets that’s so damn unforgettable that a man doesn’t quite know what happened to him. All of a sudden, he’s clearing his roster and texting his mother, ‘I think I’ve found my future wife.’
I like to call it ‘Marry Me’ sex – after that viral recipe ‘Marry Me Chicken’ that supposedly makes men want to propose after one bite… only this version involves a lot less thyme, and a lot more thigh.
From experience, I can confirm that a special move can live rent-free in a man’s head for years. An ex got back in touch with me only recently – after a few beers, I assume – to say he couldn’t stop thinking about ‘that thing’ I used to do.
‘A special move can live rent-free in a man’s head for years,’ writes columnist Jana Hocking
It wasn’t anything too groundbreaking, I should add. But it involved being on my knees and plenty of eye contact.
Anyway, long story short, he was desperate to give things another go. Luckily I have a good memory, and that boy is no angel, so it was a no from me – but you get the gist.
So this week, I asked my friends and followers if they had any ‘Marry Me’ sex moves in their repertoire that they swear by. And I was surprised to learn they don’t always have to involve Olympic-level gymnastics…
The six-word whisper
During a fairly standard romp, my friend Sophie leaned in close and whispered, ‘I want you to ruin me.’ She swears her man’s entire body stiffened.
‘He looked at me like I’d just unlocked something in his brain,’ she told me.
He sent her flowers the next day and spent the next few months in a lust-fuelled trance.
‘I still say it to him on occasions when he’s taking too long and I need things to wind up,’ Sophie added.
It does the trick every time.
‘He looked at me like I was unlocking something in his brain,’ one woman told Jana
The octopus clench
One woman told me how, after making her situationship a five-star lasagne for dinner, they ended up in bed together.
So far, so good.
As things were heating up, she wrapped her legs around him like an octopus clinging on for dear life. ‘I locked eyes, clamped down, and didn’t move.’
Yeah, that sounds a bit odd to me – but apparently her boyfriend was so rattled by the intensity that he upped his game and now they’re engaged.
I’m glad it worked out for her, but personally I think your mileage may vary with this one. Still, better to be an octopus than a starfish!
The soapy
A friend of mine stole this move from Reddit and swears by it.
After sex and a good hour of fuzzy-wuzzy pillow talk, she fancied round two so hopped into the shower and casually asked if her fling wanted to join her.
He followed like a puppy and was amazed when she started to wash his body from top to bottom, inspired by the famous ‘soapland’ bathhouses in Japan.
As she was doing it, he said to her: ‘Are you trying to wife me up?’
A week later, he invited her to a party with all his friends and introduced her as his new girlfriend. Mission accomplished.
The oldest trick in the book
One of my Instagram followers suggested this and it immediately rang true. Why? Because no less than three of my closest friends say it worked for them too.
Maintain eye contact during sex.
That’s it.
No rehearsed dirty talk, and no elaborate position changes. Just eye contact when the girl is on top. Well, maybe interrupted by the odd orgasmic eye roll.
‘It was just intense eye contact while slowly grinding on him,’ is how one married woman described the night with her now-husband that changed everything.
‘I could feel him trying to read my mind. It freaked him out in the best possible way.’
A day later, he texted her: ‘It felt like you looked into my soul.’ Then he deleted Tinder. Result!
The old switcheroo
Another follower told me she was habitually submissive in the bedroom, thinking that was what all men wanted.
That was until one night she was in bed with a guy she really liked. In a moment of passion, she got on top, grabbed his wrists and said, ‘Tonight, you’re mine.’
He just blinked at her in complete disbelief. Then didn’t stop texting her for weeks.
And he still brings it up two years later.
The backdoor bonus
Alright, so you subscribed for this story expecting something really mucky, didn’t you? Well, here it is…
I specifically asked my male friends and readers about the ‘marry me’ sex move that made them spellbound by a woman.
One particular act came up time and time again. Ladies, it’s not for everyone – but please don’t shoot the messenger here.
Rimming.
Men, it seems, lose their minds when a woman goes down on them and lets her tongue drift further south.
One fella tells me he was ‘shocked in a good way’ the first time it happened to him. For weeks, he couldn’t stop thinking about it.
‘At first I was slightly insecure, like where the hell did she learn that?’ he added.
But he got over that and says the couple – now married – haven’t looked back since.
‘It felt both intimate and filthy in the best possible way.’
Another man told me: ‘As soon as a woman does that, there’s no going back. It’s that weird combination of being super dirty but also, like, ‘I have to marry her.»
In summary…
So, what have we learned from all this?
When it comes to sex that leads to meaningful relationships, it’s not witchcraft. And, generally speaking, it’s less about what you do, and more about how you do it.
Confidence, enthusiasm, a touch of surprise – that’s what gets under a man’s skin.
Think back to a time when you did something in bed that left a man completely undone. Did he text you nonstop afterwards? Suddenly get sentimental? Say things like, ‘You’re not like the others,’ or ‘I’ve never felt that before’?
Bingo. That was your ‘Marry Me’ move.
If you don’t have one yet, don’t stress. Try the eye contact method, and if that doesn’t work, there’s always that tongue trick men seem to like. (Sorry!)
