Every now and then, you stumble on a sex tip so game-changing it flips your bedroom life upside down.
Mine have come from all sorts of places. There was a low moment when my libido vanished – awkward for a sex columnist, I’ll admit – so I got creative.
Neuroscientist TJ Power reckons a daily cold-water plunge fires up your dopamine like a cocaine hit – minus the sketchy comedown. Desperate to feel horny again, I committed: two icy minutes a day, for two weeks.
Long story short – it worked, and now I’m one of those annoying ice bath people (sorry!)
Then there’s my love of the quickie. I used to think good sex had to be a candlelit, slow-burn production, complete with matching lingerie.
But a spontaneous, quickie against the fridge while getting ready for dinner one night changed my mind about that. We made our reservation on time – with slightly messier hair and much more flushed cheeks.
Since then, I’ve sworn by getting it over and done with quickly, without the bells and whistles. It’s the espresso of sex: strong and guaranteed to jolt you into a better mood.
This week, I asked my friends and followers for the sex tips they swear by. And I was delighted to learn that some of the oldest tricks in the book are still getting some use.
DailyMail+ columnist Jana Hocking says ice baths and embracing quickies changed her sex life
The mango method
A friend of mine swears by a cunnilingus method that I’m reliably informed has been locker room gospel for decades.
‘Eat it like you’re eating a mango.’
Translation: slow, messy dedication, not timid little flicks.
And most importantly of all, this approach means you don’t overcomplicate the act with silly ideas like ‘spelling out her name with your tongue’ (who invented that one?)
My mate said it completely changed the way he approached going down on a woman.
Judging by the rave reviews since, he’s become something of a local legend.
Drop the dirty talk, stick to the basics
A friend of mine swears by a cunnilingus method that I’m reliably informed has been locker room gospel for decades: ‘Eat it like you’re eating a mango.’ (Stock image posed by models)
It seems every couple these days bangs on and on about dirty talk.
For some men, hearing their wives confess to the wildest of sins takes them to cloud nine while in the throes of passion.
But I learned this week that sometimes the best thing to do in bed is zip it and stick to the basics – clear, simple instructions.
Allow me to explain.
After years of no dirty talk, then going overboard with it, one woman told me she recently found the perfect balance.
She revealed she started having the best sex of her life with her husband by sticking to clear phrases that convey exactly what she wants.
‘I realised my partner isn’t a mind reader. Once I started saying things like «slower», «more pressure» or «don’t stop», my sex life totally transformed,’ she said.
It might sound basic, but honestly, you’d be amazed how many people will go through half the dictionary before actually saying – in plain English – what they want in bed.
Stroke of genius
A man realised in his 40s that he’d been going downtown wrong his whole life.
During a conversation with his mates, he discovered ‘it’s about coverage, not speed’ – so he retired his method of feverishly flicking the tip of his tongue at 100mph.
Praise be!
‘Think paint roller, not toothbrush.’ Excellent advice – and better late than never.
Power ballad passion
How many people lost their virginity in the 1980s listening to something awful by Def Leppard or Mötley Crüe?
Well, one of my Gen X followers said old-school rock anthems were something of an aphrodisiac for her and her husband.
She had prepared a sexy playlist for their date night, only to accidentally put on her power ballad jogging playlist instead.
They both laughed at the absurdity of two middle-aged people shagging to hair metal… until they kind of liked it.
‘Something shifted and the energy ramped up,’ she said, adding that the sex suddenly had this ‘anything goes’ vibe that made them feel 18 again.
It turns out, changing the soundtrack can completely rewire the mood.
The seven words men love
It’s one of those ‘men are from Mars, women are from Venus’ sexual conundrums.
Often, ladies want plenty of foreplay before having sex, whereas fellas tend to rush into the main event.
There’s good reason for this – erections don’t last forever, and the last thing you want is to spend so long waiting on the runway that the moment passes.
But one man I spoke to said his partner came up with the perfect magic phrase that means he now finds foreplay just as thrilling as she does.
Men – tired of foreplay dragging on? A magic seven-word phrase keeps one fella at full mast while his wife warms up for the main event (stock image posed by models)
While going down on her, she lifted his head up, looked him straight in the eyes and said: ‘Keep doing it like that… for hours.’
Those seven little words not only turned him on in the heat of the moment, but taught him a valuable lesson about the art of patience.
‘Now I don’t rush. I take my time. It really put her pleasure into perspective,’ he said.
Get her there first – always
The male orgasm is a less complex beast than the female one. And as soon as men understand this simple fact, they immediately become better lovers.
One man told me his older sister (of all people!) gave him a valuable piece of advice when he was a teenager that has stayed with him his entire life.
‘When I first started having sex with women, she told me, «You’re a guy – chances are you’ll always finish. Make it about her, and worry about yourself after she has.»‘
It’s blunt, it’s unrefined, but it’s damn good advice.
The truth is, when it comes to sex, a man will find a way to climax one way or another. It doesn’t matter if he’s tired, distracted or not really into it – he’ll get there in the end.
Women, on the other hand, are a whole different ball game.
That’s why it’s such sage wisdom: fellas, just focus on her getting to the finish line, then you can get yourself there afterwards. (Trust me, you’ll manage.)
Toy story
Another man confessed he used to feel threatened by sex toys until a very confident partner showed him they could be teammates, not rivals.
‘It was like going from playing solo to joining a championship team,’ he said.
Now, he always keeps a well-charged drawer of accessories and sees them as his ultimate wingmen.
Ommmmm my god
This one’s a little woo-woo, but hear me out.
Inspired by seeing a sex therapist, one couple tried synchronised breathing in bed, hoping it would help them stay present and connected.
Sometimes known as coupled breathing, it’s associated with the sort of tantric sex that Sting and his wife Trudie were into in the early ’90s.
(I did say these techniques were old school!)
It’s not as easy as it sounds – ‘we cracked up halfway through,’ my female friend said – but even through the laughter, they discovered breathing in unison in bed brought a surprising sense of intimacy and helped them get out of a dry spell.
In conclusion
So if you’re lacking in the bedroom department, may I suggest throwing yourself in an ice bath?
Or if my own tip sounds a little too chilly (or modern), try one of the other various, less freezing, methods on offer.
Now go forth and get jiggy with it. Life’s too short for bad sex.
