Therapist reveals the surprising number of friends you should REALLY have in adulthood

Have you ever scrolled through social media and felt a tinge of jealousy about how many friends someone else has? 

You might look at your own, smaller group of friends and think to yourself, ‘Am I doing something wrong?’

But like most things in life, licensed therapist and clinical director/co-founder of California Behavioral Health Melissa Legere, LMFT told the DailyMail.com that it’s more about quality than quantity. 

‘A solid support system is what matters most,’ she said. 

But if the whole ‘quality over quantity’ expression doesn’t assuage any feelings that the two friends you’ve had for the past decade somehow indicate a red flag about you, Legere said to focus on what those friendships might say about you. 

‘If these friendships have been stable for many years, it could just mean they value quality over quantity and prefer to keep a small, close-knit group,’ she said.

‘This could also show how loyal they are to the people they connect with.’

She said it’s only truly a problem if you’re constantly changing those one or two friends – or if you always seem to have issues with your past friendships.  

Therapist Melissa Legere said that it’s possible to have ‘too many’ friends if you feel like you’re being spread thin (stock image)

‘It could suggest there’s something deeper going on – maybe [you] have a hard time maintaining relationships or struggle with trust,’ Legere said. 

It’s also possible to have too many friends. 

This is especially the case in adulthood, when you have a lot of things on your plate outside of your friendships.

‘It’s easy to spread yourself too thin, and when you don’t have the time or energy to nurture those relationships, it might start to feel more stressful than enjoyable,’ Legere said. 

At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you’re making friends that are good people.

Legere explained that you should make friends that have a good moral compass, patience and understanding, and know how to be honest with you.  

‘They should be able to give you honest feedback or call you out when needed, but always with care and respect,’ she said. 

‘Having someone who’s real with you helps build trust and keeps the relationship genuine.’

Having only one to two friends is not necessarily a red flag, especially if they’re loyal and stable (stock image)

It can also be helpful to have friends that you do different things with.

If you’ve ever heard of ‘party friends’ or ‘do-nothing friends,’ you know that sometimes friendships help you explore different areas of your life. 

Legere explained that having these kinds of friends can also take the pressure off of trying to fit every friend into every situation. 

‘When you know what kind of vibe or energy each friend brings, you can just enjoy the moment without stressing over whether they’ll be into what you’re doing,’ she said.

But if you’re still not satisfied with the number of friends you have, Legere said it’s always possible to make more – yes, even in adulthood. 

She suggested finding people who share common interests with you – like in a book club or some sort of group exercise activity. 

And she also said that you’re going to have to make the first move. 

‘A simple question, like asking about someone’s day or their thoughts on a topic, can break the ice and start a conversation,’ Legere said. 

‘Sometimes, it just takes that first step to get the ball rolling.’