Of all the choices I’ve made in my life, some wild, some empowering, some controversial and even a little questionable, there’s one that, at age 51, quietly haunts me.
You see, it’s something us women don’t talk about too often.
While we are generally comfortable speaking about matters of personal upkeep – Botox, filler, ‘tweakments’ – this particular upgrade is still somewhat taboo.
And yet, it seems to be everywhere.
This surgery is found all across the celebrity world, in Hollywood and even here in Australia amongst the beautiful people of Sydney, Melbourne and the Gold Coast.
And while some brazen identities will happily tell you about their ‘work’ after a few wines or even in interviews, most prefer to keep it a closely guarded secret.
Roxy Jacenko, 44, (pictured on March 25) recently underwent revision surgery after one of her implants ruptured. She appears to have gone up a size. Her first boob job was at age 24
I’m talking, of course, about the ‘second boob job’.
Yes, I know. A breast enlargement is hardly a big deal. Neither is a reduction or a lift or a fat transfer or a nipple readjustment, for that matter.
But I am talking about a very specific type of breast surgery – one typically reserved for ladies who are older and supposedly wiser.
I refer to the women who had their first boob job in their twenties, liked the results, then 10 or even 20 years down the track decided, ‘Let’s go bigger. Why the hell not?’
Ninety-nine per cent of the time, it’s a bad idea. Trust me. It happened to me, and I’ve spoken to plenty of women who feel the same – even if they won’t admit it publicly.
Before I go on, I want to make it clear I’m at the stage in my life where I’ve made peace with my past and what I look like. Yet the huge mounds of silicone inside my chest cavity continue to be a profound regret.
They feel like a relic from a version of myself that I put to bed a long time ago. While it was my choice – and I’m a firm believer that women can do whatever they choose with their own bodies – I’d be lying if I told you I was happy with them today.
For those who don’t know my past, I spent more than a decade as a high-profile escort known as Samantha X, and big boobs were part of my personal brand.
Influencer Tammy Hembrow admitted going ‘bigger and closer together’ with her follow-up op
I have been under the knife six times over 15 years, and ended up with 1050cc silicone implants – or F-cups – which is the biggest you can go in Australia. By the way, ‘cc’ stands for cubic centimetre and is the unit of volume used to measure the size of the implant. The higher the cc, the larger the implant.
And how I loved them.
My boobs gave me power and validation. I joke in my memoir, Misfit, that I was ‘the Pied Piper of men’. They would quite literally approach me in the street, and I knew straight away it was the size of my chest that had attracted them.
But then I grew up – and grew out of them. I hung up my heels and went back to being Amanda the journalist again – but was left with Samantha’s body.
It was an awful feeling having two huge reminders of the person I used to be bolted onto my chest. It’s not like a tattoo you can cover up.
So I went under the knife again, this time to downsize, and my implants were reduced 765cc, or a DD-cup. They’re still big, but I can’t face another op to reduce them further – not to mention the skin that has been stretched by now.
Amanda regretted having F-cup implants, which is the largest you’re allowed to go in Australia
So believe me, this is an intimate subject I know well.
That’s why when I see the suddenly inflated busts of women like Roxy Jacenko – who decided to upsize when she underwent revision surgery in March after one of her implants ruptured – or influencer Tammy Hembrow – who admitted going ‘bigger and closer together’ with her follow-up op – I can’t help but wince.
Not because they don’t look fantastic, but because I know how this can end. I know what it’s like to go from your 40s to your 50s with very large breasts that felt sexy during your ‘MILF era’ but feel silly afterwards.
So behind the sexy new curves, I have two words of warning: be careful. I was 50 years old and a veteran of plastic surgery when I learned the truth that fake boobs don’t age well.
Your style evolves. And your body softens no matter how many green juices you drink or how many Body by Berner sessions you do. Suddenly you’re left with hard, round implants that can feel and look out of place.
I trained to become a certified Pilates instructor and my enormous boobs not only looked out of place, but felt uncomfortable on the mat. So there’s another reason to be cautious: your lifestyle will change.
Plus, in midlife, most of us start to dress differently as our need for validation by attracting men diminishes. The last thing you want is two big magnets on your chest that usually attract the most unsuitable kind of man. This is especially true for those of us who have married, had children and become single again after divorce.
‘I look at old photos of myself pre-surgery and I envy that natural girl who was, once upon a time, confident in her own skin,’ writes DailyMail+ columnist Amanda Goff
I’ve lost count of the number of my girlfriends who have had their second or third set of implants removed or reduced in size due to regret. They always say the same thing, about how the rest of their body softens while their fake boobs remain rock hard.
‘I just wanted my body back,’ one of them confided. She was tired of the stares and the strain on her back.
When my ultimate girl crush, Pamela Anderson, whose looks I aspired to when I was younger, ditched the harsh eyeliner and implants, it deepened my conviction that we no longer need to turn heads because of our bodies. Our female power, our intelligence and our wisdom is enough. If Pammy can do it, so could I.
It’s funny. I never thought I’d be writing this, because I never thought I would reach a stage in life where I’d want smaller boobs. ‘Breast reduction’ were two words I could never comprehend putting together in a sentence.
But, of course, we all change. And women like me who wore their boobs like their main attraction grow and change – not just physically, but emotionally too.
So if you had a nice, subtle boob job in your 20s and, for whatever, reason find yourself in your 30s or 40s itching to upgrade to something bigger – or ‘higher profile’, as surgeons call it – I’m not here to shame you, or to scare you into cancelling your consultation.
But I will ask you this: who are you doing it for? The new boyfriend? Maybe you want to please the men on the dating scene (seriously, don’t bother). Perhaps you just want to feel looked at again, like you used to be when you were younger and perkier.
But one day the men stop staring. You may even find other women looking at you in judgement, disapproval, even pity. And you’re left with two heavy reminders of a decision that can only be fixed with more money, pain and risk.
Growing older is a privilege, and women have earned the right to age on our terms. We don’t have to put silicone inside us so we can have a 21-year-old’s chest below a 50-year-old’s face.
I often joke that I’ll sell my implants on eBay one day and give the money to charity – but part of me is being serious. ‘They’d make great doorstops,’ I laugh to friends.
I look at old photos of myself pre-surgery and I envy that natural girl who was, once upon a time, confident in her own skin.
And feeling sexy at this stage of my life isn’t big boobs; it’s confidence in who I am.
So if I had to say anything to that 40-something woman browsing surgery forums and hovering their mouse over ‘book a consultation now’, it would be this:
While those new boobs might suit your body now, they probably won’t match the amazing, mature person you’ll grow into later. Trust me.
