I have always kept an open mind when it comes to spirituality. What others confidently declare as ‘woo woo’, I try to hold a little more space for. After all, we tend to accept people have various religious beliefs, so I have a similar attitude to spiritual ones.
Being of Indian heritage, it helps that my culture is generally a spiritual one anyway, so I like to think I’m open-minded. I believe in evil eye (what we call ‘nazar’), manifesting, feeling out of sorts when there’s a full moon, sage-ing away bad energy and seeing ‘coincidences’ as signs from the universe.
Saying that, tarot readings, psychics and fortune tellers have always seemed a step too far for me. I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that someone has contact with those who have passed, or can predict what your future holds.
When I was offered a psychic reading at the beginning of 2024, I was intrigued to find out what they might say – so long as they didn’t give me any bad news. As the year came to a close, I decided to look back on what was said, and how much of it came true…
The Zoom session started with some deep breaths while Susana, who works with The Wellness Foundry, settled our energies. I must admit, I started out sceptical, especially as we were talking through a screen and not in-person.
Soon after, Susana told me she was sensing slight chaos inside of me, where people were seeing one thing on the outside but I was feeling another way on the inside. She also said she could sense I was being tough with myself – all of which at the time rang true. Although, these are arguably quite generic statements.
Then she tapped in with ‘the spirits’, who were telling her to advise me to ‘take it easy’, be compassionate towards myself, and try not to take everything on. Again, I’m sure this applies to many people, but I remember it struck a chord at the time as I felt all-consumed by work and life. It’s actually something I’ve actively worked on (with the help of therapy) since.
Person talking in therapy
Susana went on to say there was something ‘blocking’ me, that ‘time was a healer’ and that I needed to ‘let go’ of this block in order to move forward. On reflection, that signifies part of what I was already working on in therapy at the time, and partly the childhood bullying I experienced and have written about here.
Speaking of which, the part of the session that I feel was the most accurate prediction for how my year turned out was when Susana explained she was seeing a change of desks for me. ‘You’re going onto another desk soon. And it doesn’t feel like you’re changing jobs per se, it just feels like there’s going to be a nice shake up,’ she said. ‘You’re taking on new things. Things that I feel you’re not involved with right now. The articles you write right now are quite light, and it feels like you might be going into heavier work… it’ll expand your portfolio.’
She then went on to say it could perhaps be political writing, which didn’t happen, but I did end up writing the above feature on bullying and relationships that was published in December – my first for the print edition of YOU Magazine – which is the most personal piece of writing I’ve ever published.
In the piece I discuss vulnerability, and my fear of it. At the time of writing it, I had completely forgotten Susana had identified this in me. ‘Yes, it’s going to hurt, but you know what’s not going to hurt? When you feel suffocated, it’s almost like you’re choking or there’s something that you couldn’t say,’ she said. ‘Get it out, you’ll feel lighter.’
And without realising it, that’s exactly what I did in the feature.
Susana also talked about my heart being ‘stitched’ together, and how it needed to tear and heal again. She said I needed to learn to open up my heart, which felt like a nod to the therapy I was having, which Susana knew nothing about. Among other things, I had been working on allowing romantic relationships into my life and not being so scared of being hurt by them.
Discussing love and relationships, Susana felt there was already someone around me – a ‘nice connection’. I remember mentally scrolling through all the men in my life who I was in contact with that could potentially be this outstanding connection, but there wasn’t anyone who came to mind – and there wasn’t anyone who came to light during the year either.
She also added: ‘There’s this swimming pool and you’re walking around the edges, you’re allowing your feet to get wet. There’s a reluctance to get in too deep, too quickly. And your energy is very cautious. You’d rather the person swim out to you and grab you and pull you through,’ which has very much been my dating style thus far, and I perhaps experienced it during a summer ‘situationship’.
We finished the session on some oracle cards and a colour reading. A ‘horn blue’ colour presented itself for me, reiterating I needed to be gentle with myself and open up more, while also showcasing my vibrancy. The purple represented me tapping into my intuition and inner strength. The last was green, to signify the need to feel grounded and less chaotic.
So did my reading change my life? No. Did it get everything right? Also no. But it’s only on reflection that I can appreciate there was truth in much of what Susana told me. Even if parts of what she said felt generalised, it was what I needed to hear at the time, and part of the huge journey I’ve been on this year to challenge and change myself for the better.
